Mellow

Another year, another ecchi OVA about cross-dressing from Knack. This time it's 1993's Mellow, which is based on a manga by Kasahara Rin that has not been translated. Like Okama Hakusho, it poses its share of problems, although for very different reasons.

The premise revolves around a brother and sister, both named Haijami Akira. They are descended from a long line of teachers, and their father's will mandates that they continue the tradition and become teachers. Otherwise, their inheritance is forfeit. The sister has assumed the burden of becoming an educator, but the brother has other plans.

As the story open, Akira (m) is running down a street in Osaka, chased by gangsters.

He has been caught in flagrante delicto with a yakuza boss's daughter. The boss is demanding an anatomical sacrifice; you can guess which part. Akira (m) escapes and returns home to Tokyo. He tries to borrow 500,000 yen to go abroad from the family servant, Ichiji, who is the executor of the family trust. But while Akira (m) was dallying, Akira (f) suffered a horrible breakdown from getting dumped by her boyfriend and is too depressed to teach.

Ichiji offers the loan, provided that Akira (m) cross-dresses as his sister and starts her job as a teacher while she recovers her composure. Akira (m) agrees readily - too readily. He needs money to escape and a hiding place in the meantime. And so, disguised as his sister, he becomes a high-school English teacher. (All this m/f stuff is too boring, so our "hero" will be plain Akira from now on.)

Akira, in female dress, starts teaching English. He has no training, and the only English he knows is from an American girl he lived with a few months back. What could go wrong? 

He tangles with student after student - a delinquent student, a suicidal student, an English-fluent transfer student, a hostile student with a mommy complex, a malingering student with a crush on the busty PE teacher. In each case, he gets the better of the encounter by letting his natural cunning and repressed rage run rampant. The OVA ends with Akira, still disguised as a woman, rescuing the PE teacher from an aggressive Lothario. They end up very friendly. 

What happens after that? Read the manga.

Mellow seems like a typical, not (too) offensive comedy featuring a cross-dressing male character. It has a some (female) nudity and (heterosexual) sex, like many 80s and 90s OVAs. So you might ask, where are the problems? They're all in the language: the story depends on subtle nuances of Japanese, both written and spoken.

Let's start with the title: 女郎, romanized right on the VHS box as Mellow. It's actually pronounced "merou," and it means "bitch." 女郎 is a multi-purpose insult against women; an alternate reading is "jorou," meaning "prostitute." Then, the two Akiras use different spellings of their name: male Akira is 日明, while female Akira is 晶. When Akira writes his name on the blackboard at school, he uses the masculine form and has to erase the "dangling bits" to make it feminine.

There are lots of puns and references in the story.

• When Akira writes the masculine form of his name, one of the students exclaims, "Akira? Like in Meada Akira?" Maeda Akira was a pro wrestler and a mixed martial-arts fighter.
• When Akira recites the English alphabet to demonstrate his readiness to teach, he follows up ABCDEFG with "You do H to her so that she does I!" This is based on a proverb, "After sex (ecchi or H) comes love (ai or I)."
• When the English-proficient student has asked a series of difficult questions in English, Akira curses her out with "Hey, bitch! I'll stab you in the butthole  and get your shit out and clean you up! You are my hostile. Want me to murder your butt again? Huh?!" The Japanese "translation" in subtitles is even worse. "I'll stick my hand up your asshole and mess up your guts, and do you want me to tell you about vagina cooties? You chronically full-throttle girl, want me to kiss your flapping vagina? Huh?" It doesn't make much sense in either language.
• Fuwa dismisses Fukatsu's illness, he thinks, "He just wants to ogle some D-cups." Japanese bra sizes are different; these would be C-cups in the US.
  
• When Akira dismisses Fukatsu's illness, he says, "A stomachache! More like a sonic belch!" This is a pun: "haraita" is stomachache, while "kataharaita" means absurd.
• When Akira plunks himself down on the infirmary bed, he says, "Dusukoi!", the cry used by sumo wrestlers as they enter the ring.

In addition, there's quite a bit of Kansai- and yakuza-dialect, often difficult to follow.

The voice cast includes:

• Matsumoto Yasunori (Haijima Akira, male) starred as Johnny in Starship Troopers, Kaname in Singles, and Tooru in Every Day Is Sunday, all Orphan releases. He was in numerous OVAs in the 1990s, including Ziggy Sore Yuke! R&R Band, Seikimatsu: Humane Society, Fukuyama Gekijou - Natsu no Himitsu, and Al Caral no Isan, also Orphan releases. Among his other notable roles were Wataru Akiyama in Initial D, Jean Havoc in Fullmetal Alchemist, Gourry Gabriev in Slayers, Ryou in Sonic Soldier Borgman, and a personal favorite, Dick Saucer in Dragon Half.
• Okamoto Maya (Haijima Akira, female) played played Maya in the Burn Up! series, Harumi in The Irresponsible Captain Tylor franchise, Saiko in the Silent Mobius properties, and Puck in Yousei Ou, an Orphan release.
• Ooizumi Akira (Ichiji) appeared in Asatte Dance, Cat's Eye, and Korogashi Ryouta. He played Mama-rin in Okama Hakusho, an Orphan release.
• Morikawa Toshiyuki (delinquent student Fuwa) took over the role of dad Nohara Hiroshi in the Crayon Shin-chan franchise. He played lead roles in Gallery Fake, Yami no Matsui, Kyou Kara Maou, and numerous other shows. He's also a regular in Orphan's releases. He played the lead role in Ear of the Golden Dragon, Wolf Guy, and Nozomi Witches, as well as Inspector Kendo in the Kindaichi Shounen no Jikenbo series. He delivered a scene-stealing performance as Panda Mama in Shirokuma Cafe. He also appeared in Al Caral no Isan, Akai Hayate, Dragon Fist, Kiss wa Mi ni Shite, Blazing Transfer Student, and Wild 7.
• Katsuki Masako (busty PE teacher Utako) played Maroko in Gosenzosama Banbanzai and its movie version, Maroko, Mira in Ginga Tansa 2100-nen: Border Planet, Queen Bee in Golgo 13: Queen Bee, and Tsunade (Fifth Hokage) in the Naruto franchise. She also played Arianna Wyszynska in Apfelland Monogatari, Kenbishi Yuuri in Yuukan Club, Hojo's lover in Sanctuary, Itchan's mother in Sensou Douwa: Tako ni Natta Okaasan, Kubo in Milky Passion: Dougenzaka, Yamimama in Megami Paradise, and Yamazaki's maintenance engineer Kiriko in Kigyou Senshi Yamazaki: Long Distance Call, all Orphan releases.
• Akimoto Yousuke (Principal Ikebe) played Ookubo Sagaminokami Tadachika in Sanada 10 and appeared in Apfelland Monogatari, Genji, Part 1, Wild 7, and Dokushin Apartment Dokidami-sou, all Orphan releases. He also appeared in Stratos 4, Sisters of Wellber, Princess Lover, The Sacred Blacksmith, and Black Summoner.
• Umezu Hideyuki (Vice-Principal Noboru) played Akadama-sensei in Uchouten Kazoku and Uranos Corsica in Gangsta. He had featured roles in Star Dust, Apfelland Monogatari, Blue Sonnet, Hashire Melos, Hi-Speed Jecy, Hidamari no Ki, Nana Toshi Monogatari, Neko Neko Fantasia, Singles, the What's Michael? OVAs, Yamato 2520, Genji, Part 1, and Ziggy Sore Yuke! R&R Band, all Orphan releases.
• Okiayu Ryoutarou (suicidal student Yamazaki)  starred as the title roles in Gambler Densetsu Tetsuya, Toriko, and Keppeki Danshi! Aoyama-kun, Mitsui Hisashi in Slam Dunk, Matsura Yuu in Marmalade Boy, Jinnai Katsuhiko in the El-Hazard franchise, Nueno Meisuke in the Hell Teacher Nube series,Samejima Ranmaru in Kizuna, Souma Shigure in Fruits Basket (2003), Berserker in Fate/Zero, Hideyoshi in Sengoku Basara, and Atsushi in Recorder to Ransel. He also played Takao-san in Let's Nupu Nupu, Abel in Fire Emblem, Gion in Okane ga nai!, Akram in Haruka Naru Toki no Nake de 2 (a repeat of his role in Haruka Naru Toki no Nake de: Hachyoushou), and Hakuryuu in Haruka Naru Toki no Nake de 3, all Orphan releases.
• Shimamura Kaori (English-proficient student Kumiko) appeared in Hanaukyo Maid Team: La Verite and Mobile Suit Zeta Gundam: A New Translation.
• Fujiwara Keiji (hostile student Fumio) took over the role of Dad in Crayon Shin-chan. He played Maes Hughes in Fullmetal Alchemist, Kenchirou in Antique Bakery, Hannes in Shingeki no Kyojin, Shirou in Blue Exorcist, Nue in Karas, Hinahono in Magi, and Shigure in Ushio to Tora TV. He played Hattori Hanzo Masanari in Sanada 10, Gentaku in Hidamri no Ki, Yoshitoki in Genji, Part 1, and the title role in Uchuu Neko: Mardock no Bouken, all Orphan releases.
• Sakurai Toshiharu (malingering student Fukatsu) played Hanson in Nadia: The Secret of Blue Water and Innocentius VII in Arslan Senki TV. He appeared in Akai Hayate and Exper Zenon, both Orphan releases.
• Yanada Kiyoyuki (yakuza underboss Bito) played Takenori in Slam Dunk, Gateau Mocha in Bakuretsu Hunter, and Kuroinu the black cat in Chii's Sweet Home. He appeared in Nanatoshi Monogatari. Hidamari no Ki, Hayou no Tsurugi, Exper Zenon, Akai Hayate, Nozomi Witches, and Ai no Kusabi, all Orphan releases.

The director, Kogure Teruo, also directed Okama Hakusho and Lunatic Night for Knack.

I don't know where the VHS tape came from or why we bought it; best not to think about it. Moho Kareshi did the initial translation. Perevodildo translation-checked, with extensive changes. ninjacloud timed. I edited and typeset. Nemesis and Rezo QCed. Orphan's anonymous media maven encoded. The source is a mess, with lots of blended frames. The show was never released on laserdisc or digital media, a common outcome for Knack's OVAs.

So here's Mellow. It's excessive, ecchi, and reasonably funny. You can get the show from the usual torrent site or from IRC bot Orphan|Arutha in channels #nibl or #news on irc.rizon.net.